Monday, August 10, 2009

Did you hear about the toilet paper shortage?

Let me first say that I have a toilet paper fetish...I always have about 3 of the Sam's Club size packages at my house for fear of just that sort of event so when I went on the internet today and saw "shortage of toilet paper" I knew I was doing the right thing by hording it. Of course I then read the article and it's happening in Cuba. (O.K., it may spread to the United States in which case I'll be considered a genius for the forethought.) I love the response from Castro...he tells everyone to use 1 ply instead of 2...use less sheets...or use cigar leaves? What the just know he has plenty of tissues in his bathroom but expects the rest of Cuba to use Tobacco leaves...that should take cigars out of the marketplace. Just like a man to come up with that solution. You have to feel sorry for the Cubans..stuck with a leader who suggests wiping your ass on leaves..honestly...what will he suggest next? I'm not sure, but since Tobacco is a cancer hazard, does this mean you could get ass cancer? Wow, I need to make a run to Walmart to load up on Toilet Tissue...don't come to me when there's a shortage... Aside from that stupidity, it's too hot down here to function. Honestly, I feel naucous from the heat and I'm in air-conditioning. My body was certainly not made for 95 degrees not counting the humidity, in fact the temp. registered 110 when the humidity factor was added in. Stepping out into the hallway, which is not air-conditioned is like walking into an oven. And folks, you can stick a fork in me as I'm done! With Renee out helping to deliver her 4th grandchild, I've been working overtime....and frankly Salty Yarns is the coolest place in the building so I really don't mind. Having to put up with non-stitchers is sometimes a pain in the ass, but for the a/c I'm willing to put up with it. With the Drunk asshole gone..oh, did I tell you his parting words to Sara. The jackass had walked past her again the night before he left holding the cigarette cupped in his hand so she couldn't really see it, but she could smell it, so she was going to let him have it on the way out. He comes down the stairs the day he left, walks by her and says, "See ya Babe," which so freaked her out she wouldn't go anywhere near him. So the tenants who had asked her for a bucket of ice had to wait until he was out of the building before she would go back and get it for fear he'd touch her. It sure is fun running a small little hotel in Ocean City. We thought the Drunken Asshole's leaving would end the drama for Sara....but we were so wrong. But let me give you a little back history...because we are small, 53 units...most of which are apartments...we get a lot of family reunions. Once such group comes with over 20 people taking up several apartments. They've been coming for years. About 5 years ago added to the group was one of the sons who brought his wife and his 2 children. However, when he called for the reservation he said he wanted the small efficiency, Ocean Front, with the balcony overlooking the boardwalk for 2. Of course we were outside when he arrived and Sara had the look of a deer caught in headlights and when I asked what was wrong she said, "That man with the wife & 2 kids is suppose to be going into the efficiency for 2." So I said, "Well someone has to break it to them that they can't have that apartment because it has only 1 bed and fire regulations won't allow us to put more than 2 in it." So she goes over and he says, "Oh, the kids are staying with my father in his unit." Which we all knew was a bold faced lie, but until we saw that we couldn't refute it. However, his father decided to go back to the city early and left on Thursday. So I asked housekeeping to let me know if anyone went into that apartment...which they didn't...which meant the kids were with the parents in the efficiency. ( how comfortable could that have been. Small unit, one double bed and 2 adults and 2 kids with no room to play I might add) We let it go with a note that we were going to let them know at the end of the week that they would not be allowed to rent something that small again. So we tell them as they check out (nicely of course), and when this schmuck gets home he writes the owner, (me) a letter telling me how he should not have to pay for the week because the unit was too small for his family and the plug in air freshener (which in all honesty I didn't even know was in there...must have been put in by a former tenant as we don't put them in the units) was hot to the touch so it was a fire hazard. He said he had a miserable week (I guess so asshole with 4 people in a space for 2). He also said, if I didn't refund his money none of his other relatives would be staying here in the future. And he signed it as if it came from a law firm. First of all...the letterhead was computer generated on a home computer, and I'm pretty sure every law firm has their letter head printed professionally and second of all the guy is an idiot. So I write to each of the family members who rented at the same time as he did, telling them how sorry I was they would no longer be returning as reported by this jackass and how we appreciated their business over the years. Those letters went out and I'm telling you the minute those were opened we got calls from his relatives telling us they all wanted their units back and what an asshole this kid was. So needless to say...I got the last word (and isn't that what's most important). Anyway, Sara was out back after her Drunken "Crackhead" asshole left and she sees this guy drive in with his wife and children. She's freakin out once again and comes running in to tell me he got back in somehow. Well, he didn't get back in...he was here with members of his family who always rented. I told her there was nothing I could do about that, but found it amazing that he would actually show his face again. So Sara has spent the week kicking him off the parking lot (his car was over the allotted amount for that apartment which gave her some satisfaction) and generally keeping her eagle eye on him. She wears me out with all the tenants she keeps an eye on. As I was leaving the other night she always walks me out, and we saw 3 teenage boys hanging around the back of the "dollhouse" (we give employees houseing in this building) and they were really acting funny. When they saw we weren't going to move they dropped what they had and went in the back of the hotel. So Sara goes over and finds that what they dropped was a slingshot for water balloons and of course a supply of water balloons. We threw their stash in the dumpster and I went home. Next day, C.J., comes in and announces that water balloons are being thrown off the Condor porch. So I call that jackass and he says, "Oh, I don't know anything about that." So I said, "Go out and tell your grandsons to stop it now or I will be kicking them out." We haven't had a balloon sail past for the past 24 hours. Honestly, people is it too much to ask that you act like civilized people when you are on vacation? Do you just loose what sense you have? Honest to God...these people just wear me down. I feel like I've done nothing but fight all summer, IRS, Town, elevator people...and may I say we still don't have a working lift. They've been here working on it solid for 9 days, but still no action. Each time they come they find something else they need Vernon to do before they do what they have to do. And this weekend we slow down so the boys downstairs won't be working so hard starting this weekend anyway...naturally. I'm so over this elevator business I can't tell you how much. Today, it's now Thursday, I'm in Sea Trader and this gives me just too much to look at. The counter is right in front of the windows without any obstructions so I get to people watch. Good Lord have people decided they don't need to do a last minute check before they walk out the door. A woman just came into the shop and I swear it looks like she has a cupcake with a cherry on top sitting on top of her head. I swear it does. Now why would anyone decide that the best place to stick their "bun" was in the center of their head? That doesn't look good on anyone. I found this so distracting I could barely wait on her. I kept wanting to ask if she actually realized the hair was sitting there. Then I looked at her daughter who's hair was also pulled up, but it was sitting correctly on her head so I then refocused on the mother. Yep, she had a cupcake of hair sitting squarely on top of her head. Good Job though, it was in the center. Then I wondered why neither her husband or her daughter told her she looked stupid. I guess it was so they could look so much better...sort of takes the focus off of them. And the tatoos on women...honestly I find that so distracting as well. Big tatoos all over everywhere...I can't figure out what the point is here. An expression of what? And I have to tell you...many of them aren't good tatoos. While I am no expert on this particular thing...I can tell you whether someone has drawn well or not, and a lot of these are not. Ladies, please resist the urge...not a good look. And then I wonder...what will they look like in a beautiful gown...not a pretty look day...oh, my God...definitely not a good look. Ladies put them where they aren't visible. That's the answer..put them where I can't see them, because as we all's all about me! Kathy K. has been here all week with her children and she came over to stitch last night. I think she put in about 3 stitches and spent the rest of the time talking a customer into buying a kit. Good for you Kathy....that's just what I need...volunteers to talk people into things. But she has gotten a lot accomplished here on vacation. She finished at least 3 projects in the 5 days she's been here so far. That's a good thing. Did I tell you Renee is a grandmother again for the 4th time and it's another girl, Elizabeth. That's 4 girls for her. I have the 2 boys, with another on the way I'm sure. I'm dying for a little granddaughter, but God seems to think I need the boys. They are so different from girls...but that's O.K., I'm getting pretty good at laying down tracks for trains and cars. O.K., I'm distracted again. A woman, rather tall, incredibly skinny just walked in with her baby and mother. She has on short short shorts and yes, when she turned around there were her ass checks showing below the short. Is this necessary? Did I want to see her ass? I can tell you I did not. Oh, my God, this will be going on all day since it's an overcast day...I'm not sure I can stand head may explode. And I have a new pet peeve I should tell you about. When ever anyone asks me the price of our DMC and I say .54 , nine times out of ten they come back with ".54 " cents? Now, it's floss people, would it be $54? No, so what else is there beside cents. It can't be Euro...we're in America...It can't be what the hell else would it be? I don't know why this aggravates me so much, it just does. Perhaps it's because I've been asked it every single night all summer by at least 1 person per night. Well I'm going to post this now since I haven't posted in a while. I'll keep you posted though as the day wears on and the aggravation overtakes my calm. Have a great day and stay dry...because you know it's going to rain.

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